To Be Left Behind
by The Last Letter
Summary: One of Kate's days after Anna's death.


It hurts to be the one left behind. To live, to breathe, to love, while your sister rots in the ground. You live your life day to day, waiting for the moments when you can believe she isn't gone, like those fleeting seconds in the morning when you are still blinking sleep from your eyes, and you can believe she is still snoring beside you. Or when you are walking, and you see a cute boy. The first thing you think is _gosh, wait until I get home. Anna will love to hear about him_, but Anna isn't there when you get home. Anna will never wait for you again. There will be no more midnight talks, no rousing her from sleep to tell her about a date, no more fights about her taking your make-up.

At school you are handed those sheets, the ones that you fill out so the teacher can pretend that they know more about you. When the questions about siblings arise the first thing you do is right down Jesse's name. He came first, so it was always your habit to write his name down first, even though Anna meant so much more to you. Now is when you are faced with the dilemma: Do I write her name down? You will never stop having a sister, she will always be there with you, but then writing her name down, and then having the teacher ask about her, or mention her to your parents at a parent teacher meeting would be too hard. But you simply can't ignore her, say that she never existed at all, because she did. You are all too aware that she did.

She is everywhere you look. A school photo, an article of clothing, even her favourite flowers seem to follow you everywhere. When you are walking in a crowded place, you think you hear her laugh, and you spin around, her name on your lips, before you remember. You turn back around, feeling foolish for forgetting, tears in your eyes for thinking that she could still be there. But then, walking up the driveway, you think you see a figure in the yard. You spin your head around so fast you feel dizzy, but it's worth it, because just for a moment she is there, watching you. Soon she leaves again, and you feel worse than before.

Your family doesn't help. They are too wrapped up in their own grief. They are falling into their own pits of despair. You feel like you should help your mother stop her tears, you feel like you should stop your father from reaching for another bottle, but you don't. You go up to your room, sit on your bed, and stare at hers. You visualize her sleeping form, you close your eyes, hear her breathing, hear her soft snores. You hear her bed squeak as she tosses and turns. You draw comfort from these memories, and go downstairs. The only one around is Jesse, stealing food out of the kitchen cupboards. He is hiding his grief, letting everyone think that he doesn't care. He doesn't know, but you have seen him crying.

Later that night when the house is silent, and even Jesse's light is off, you are awake. You know you should be sleeping. An early morning awaits you, but you can only stare into the darkness. You almost hear her calling to you. _"Kate! Kate!"_ You sit up eagerly, wanting to go with her, but she is not there. She is never there. You sigh, and will yourself not to cry. You have cried too much to cry anymore, but the tears come. Shaking, you soak your pillow, but sleep still won't come. You slip from your bed, your heart beating fast, like you are doing something illegal, and curl up in hers. Her soft flannel blankets wrap around you like her arms used too when she was hugging you. You turn your face to her pillow, and smell her Anna smell. You can make out the jagged lines of her teddy bear in the darkness. You close your eyes, and a restless sleep comes.

You rise early in the morning, and quickly make up her bed again so that your mother won't know what you did. You tidy up your own, and go downstairs. Your father has bloodshot eyes, and escapes out the door as soon as possible. Your mother watches him go, before going back upstairs. You catch Jesse's eye. He gives you a slow, lazy wink before leaving. You don't know where he goes. You don't want too. You almost wish that he'd stayed, though. You can't take feeling alone. Your best friend has been taken from you, and although you look for her, she is still gone. You are thankful for the chance to live, but she deserved it more than you did.

You walk back upstairs to get dressed and ready for school. Her picture sits innocently on the counter. You turn it so that her face is now looking down at the grey of the counter. You suck in a deep breath and keep walking, although her face still follows you. You walk back into your room and Anna still haunts this place. You still see her. And it's true what they say. It hurts to be the one left behind.

**I do not own **_**My Sister's Keeper**_**. Reviews are appreciated.**

**~DI4MGZ~**


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